“Mama, you're not a continer anymore” (painting) - 2023

This project description reflects a poignant conversation between me and my mother after years of strained mother-daughter relations. Combining textile art, paintings, and poetry, I embarked on an exploration of women's societal roles and their struggles with invisible suppression and trauma within traditional societies. Delving deeper into feminist studies and collaborating with my mother, I offer a fresh perspective as a daughter on the objectification of female bodies and their reproductive capabilities.

Me: "Mom, I believe we're both exhausted from the years of hurting each other. I truly want us to try to understand one another. Please consider me not just as your daughter, but as another individual, another woman with her own identity. I genuinely want to understand the complexities of your feelings towards me all this time."

My Mother: "It's difficult to articulate, but every time I see you, it serves as a reminder of my lack of control over my own life. There was no love between your father and me, and I never wanted to get married. However, societal expectations and pressure from my family compelled me to fulfill my duties as a woman—to bear children, to continue the family line, to perpetuate the bloodline. Even though I felt conflicted, I found myself pregnant. Initially, I experienced moments of happiness as a mother. But over time, I began to feel as though I existed solely as a means to an end, and you were that end. Suddenly, everyone around me treated me with kindness, but I knew it was only because of you. Many times, I felt overwhelmed, physically and mentally, by hormonal fluctuations. Yet, whenever I sought solace in my family, friends, or husband, I was met with the same response: 'You must endure, for the sake of your child.' When I gave birth, the pain was excruciating, and my life was endangered, leading to a cesarean section and a scar on my stomach. As I emerged from the operating room, it seemed as though everything about me was forgotten, and you became the center of attention. I do love you, but at the same time, I resent you for the sacrifices I've made and the endless giving."

My mother’s response deeply touched me, prompting me to reflect on what has led to my situation as a woman living in a relatively conservative environment. What has caused me to feel that my body, which holds the right to give birth, has been objectified and "used"? The discussion about women’s rights and gender equality seems to have never ceased. After years of feminist struggles, women in most contemporary countries have achieved a relatively equal legal status. However, under the influence of culture, politics, and other factors, has the suppression and devaluation of women’s subconscious truly disappeared, including within women themselves? My work aims to use my mother as a medium to explore the hidden struggles of some women in contemporary society and to what extent women with the biological capacity for reproduction truly have the right to make choices for themselves. Are they still trapped in this internalized experience?


Mama
I'm out of school
I have the keys to our house
But opened someone else's door

The curtains are your skin
The chair is your feet
The scissors are your hands
The bowl is your breast

Your heart is throbbing behind the invisible cracks in the wall
And you tell me
This is not your house
Your body is buried in the garden of your childhood


Acrylic Painting, 297 mm x 210 mm, 2023